The Myth About Boys »
Posted By Beeboppin71 1 year, 5 months ago in FamilyMy son was born nearly 10 years ago, and I remember telling him that morning that he was one lucky baby. In the months and years that followed, however, there came a steady stream of books and essays warning that I had missed something ominous: our little guy had entered a soul-crushing world of anti-boy influences.
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Beeboppin71
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
- Rita Rudner
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Beeboppin711 year, 5 months ago
FTA: "This is a subject worth digging into, because it reflects not just on our sons but also on their sisters, on the kind of world these kids might make together--and on the adults who love them, however imperfect we prove to be."
Are our boys "scared and disconnected?" Do they lack the confidence needed to thrive in an over achieving feminist world?
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icono11 year, 5 months ago
Boys will be boys. Yes they will, no matter what, they will.
I've raised 3 boys and 2 girls; belive me, they boys are different ( how does the nursery rhyme go ....snakes and snails and puppy dog tails for boys and .... sugar and spice and all things nice for girls) and you have to go with it because that is the way either God or nature (or maybe both) designed it. 'an you can't change that.
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texangelwings1 year, 5 months ago
My two grown sons are honest hardworking family-men!
I do not think they are anymore freightened of life than, that of any other generation. If the parents let the sons know that life is not easy, that they have the intelligence and the strength to be whatever or to be whomever they want to be, they will not be lacking for self-confidence!! Always teaching them with love and kindness!
Thanks bee, good article!
Recently a couple of young boys, here at the lake built themselves a raft, out of pieces of lumber scraps. Sea worthy enough that they have been paddling all around the lake and fishing! Watching them was like reading the book Huckleberry Finn!
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Beau78901 year, 5 months ago
Thank you SO much for posting this (and the above comment), Bee. I was getting a little afraid of your opinion of men after reading your comments last night on ind06's "4th Grade Genius" thread.
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texangelwings1 year, 5 months ago
Bee, Your boy will be just fine! You are a caring mom, do not worry!
Thanks, I am lucky to have them too!
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HannibalBarca1 year, 5 months ago
Lost my first comment, try again. "Men are from Mars , Women are from Venus" so true
While this article( a very good one) mostly deals with school there are so many other things that come into play.
I have played hockey for over 50 years and as a kid it was a male team, girls start your own league. Now women reporters in the locker room, co-ed teams, boy scouts are no longer as females are in it and it seems that it has gone over board.
In the work force this is acceptable as any job that can be done by a person shouldn't matter on sex, but as kids there needs to be at times a separation where boys can be boys and say the "F" word without stepping on toes, girls need their PJ parties to do their toes and have their bit ch and stitch sessions. Basically both sexes need to bond with their own at times and this seems to be vanishing.
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kriicket1 year, 5 months ago
"In the work force this is acceptable as any job that can be done by a person shouldn't matter on sex, but as kids there needs to be at times a separation where boys can be boys and say the "F" word without stepping on toes, girls need their PJ parties to do their toes and have their bit ch and stitch sessions. Basically both sexes need to bond with their own at times and this seems to be vanishing."
Hannibal, I couldn't agree more!!!!
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Candida1 year, 5 months ago
HannibalBarca: "as kids there needs to be at times a separation where boys can be boys and say the "F" word without stepping on toes, girls need their PJ parties to do their toes and have their bit ch and stitch sessions"
Why? Some girls don't like stitching, nor bitching for that matter, and some boys don't like the rough games or the rough talk. Now, I'm not saying that I would prevent them from playing with their own kind if they prefer that, but why is it important for society to separate them?
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Bacalao1 year, 5 months ago
So we don't end up with boys like my future brother-in-law. Never climbed a tree. Never a skinned knee. Afraid of every bug. Will be the victim of any thug.
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HannibalBarca1 year, 5 months ago
Candida: I said at times, not society interfering those are your words. It is the same as marriage, men need a boys night out just as women need a girls night out, nothing to do with society. Just because I enjoy a boys night out and my brother-in-law doesn't enjoy participating as it is not his cup of tea means nothing, he has his own outlets.
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not2needy1 year, 5 months ago
I have one son, my only child, he is the love of my life and i wouldn't hesitate to sacrifice my life for his at anytime, and he knows this, without question.
That said: Parents must prepare their children for the big bad world, anything else is a gross misservice to their children. The worst thing a parent can do is handicap their children by overindulgence and pampering. Love doesn't mean you have to provide them with a Benz and an unlimited stream of cash. Love is preparing them to be a decent, independent, self supporting, God fearing, hard working, tax paying citizen who is a credit to his community, parents and country.
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Beeboppin711 year, 5 months ago
n2n: "Love is preparing them to be a decent, independent, self supporting, God fearing, hard working, tax paying citizen who is a credit to his community, parents and country."
Very well put. I think that many parents have confused love with indulgence today. Love is taking the extra time to help your boy with his reading or just asking about his day.
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HannibalBarca1 year, 5 months ago
Love is also about discipline and a code, not abuse. When my daughter at 15 can talk to me about her period or her very good friend can ask me about boys and sex (she has no mom)and not be embarrassed then I feel like I am doing some thing right. Many times I throw the male chauvinistic BS at them but they see through it and call my bluff, and the comments that are thrown back, I pity any guy that pi$$es them off.
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gamahuche1 year, 5 months ago
A statistic in this story about a study showing that when both parents spend time with kids this can total 20 hours a week quiye astounded me..
Its true I haven't spent much time in the US in over a decade but remembering how things were then and from subsequent communication with friends and what I have observed during brief visits I didn't observe anything like this..
Rather families who were all rushing around, the kids with almost as busy schedules as their parents and virtually no time spent together at all, not even meals together. These were not families who didn't care about or love their kids but somehow didn't have time.
If this story is truly a better gauge of reality then that's an encouraging sign indeed.
In any case an excellent post, Bee. Thanks!
I've saved the story and will be sending it to my best-beloved daughter for her take on it!
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Formidable1 year, 5 months ago
There was a child went forth every day;
And the first object he look'd upon, that object he became;
And that object became part of him for the day, or a certain part of
the day, or for many years, or stretching cycles of years.
The early lilacs became part of this child,
And grass, and white and red morning-glories, and white and red clover, and the song of the phoebe-bird,
And the Third-month lambs, and the sow's pink-faint litter, and the mare's foal, and the cow's calf,
And the noisy brood of the barn-yard, or by the mire of the pond-side,
And the fish suspending themselves so curiously below there--and the beautiful curious liquid,
And the water-plants with their graceful flat heads--all became part of him.
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Formidable1 year, 5 months ago
The field-sprouts of Fourth-month and Fifth-month became part of him;
Winter-grain sprouts, and those of the light-yellow corn, and the esculent roots of the garden,
And the apple-trees cover'd with blossoms, and the fruit afterward,
and wood-berries, and the commonest weeds by the road;
And the old drunkard staggering home from the out-house of the tavern, whence he had lately risen,
And the school-mistress that pass'd on her way to the school,
And the friendly boys that pass'd--and the quarrelsome boys,
And the tidy and fresh-cheek'd girls--and the barefoot negro boy and girl,
And all the changes of city and country, wherever he went.
His own parents,
He that had father'd him, and she that had conceiv'd him in her womb, and birth'd him,
They gave this child more of themselves than that;
They gave him afterward every day--they became part of him.
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Formidable1 year, 5 months ago
The mother at home, quietly placing the dishes on the supper-table;
The mother with mild words--clean her cap and gown, a wholesome odor
falling off her person and clothes as she walks by;
The father, strong, self-sufficient, manly, mean, anger'd, unjust;
The blow, the quick loud word, the tight bargain, the crafty lure,
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Formidable1 year, 5 months ago
The family usages, the language, the company, the furniture--the yearning and swelling heart,
Affection that will not be gainsay'd--the sense of what is real--the thought if, after all, it should prove unreal,
The doubts of day-time and the doubts of night-time--the curious whether and how,
Whether that which appears so is so, or is it all flashes and specks?
Men and women crowding fast in the streets--if they are not flashes and specks, what are they?
The streets themselves, and the façades of houses, and goods in the windows,
Vehicles, teams, the heavy-plank'd wharves--the huge crossing at the ferries,
The village on the highland, seen from afar at sunset--the river between,
Shadows, aureola and mist, the light falling on roofs and gables of white or brown, three miles off,
The schooner near by, sleepily dropping down the tide--the little boat slack-tow'd astern,
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Formidable1 year, 5 months ago
The hurrying tumbling waves, quick-broken crests, slapping,
The strata of color'd clouds, the long bar of maroon-tint, away
solitary by itself--the spread of purity it lies motionless in,
The horizon's edge, the flying sea-crow, the fragrance of salt marsh and shore mud;
These became part of that child who went forth every day, and who now goes, and will always go forth every day.
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